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Ma petite princesse,
You’ve always been excited about birthdays and this year was no exception. You’ve been counting down the days for quite some time now, and have been telling everyone about it!
The only thing you asked for this year was a camera, so when in town we went in together to pick one.
You haven’t had a party as it being so close to Christmas, it’s always tricky to organise, but last year we had it in January and you were happy with that.
You’ve grown so much this past year. Not only in height (I can’t believe how tall you’re getting already!), but in every other aspect too.
Through it all, I remain incredibly proud of you. From other people’s passing comments, to parents’ evening, everyone is always telling me how kind you are, and that you have a lovely light inside you full of love and happiness, and kindness. People always mention kindness when talking of you.
I feel I am very hard on you at times. Too hard even. Always asking you to speak nicely. Be kind to your brother. But really, I know that you know, and follow through on all that already. When left to yourselves, you are always looking after Hugo. Helping him unprompted with his reading, Spending hours colouring with him. Playing schools with him. You fight too, but I know this is normal. And as cute as he is, he can be pretty annoying at times too!
At the age of 7, you are already incredibly independent and strong. From deciding on your whole outfits, knowing what you like and don’t like, down to how you talk and work out problems… At times, this scares me a little, as I worry you don’t need me as much. Which is why I will always try and squeeze in a hug when I can, no matter how quick.
At other times, I am reminded that you are still only (!) 7, and very much vulnerable and sensitive. That although I speak to you like a much older child, really, I need to remember that you are 7. At a magical phase of your childhood. Where you are beginning to question so much about the world, yet still believe very firmly in the tooth fairy.
We are alike in so many ways, which is most probably why I feel I am a little harder than you than I am with Hugo (and why your dad is a little harder on Hugo than he is with you). Since becoming your maman, I have learnt so much about myself, and continue to do so on a daily basis. I’ve come to realise that about 95% of the time, when I lose my temper or get cross, it’s not because you and your brother are really naughty, it’s because of something that’s affecting me personally, and my patience and tolerance has been lowered more than usual. This has been a huge light bulb moment for me, and I have tried to bear this in mind more the last year or so.
My biggest worry is feeling as though I am not doing a good enough job as a mum. That I don’t know enough. That I don’t always say the right thing. That I don’t play enough with you. At times of doubt, so much negativity can pop into my mind. But then I am constantly finding little notes and pictures from you telling me how much you love me, and little pictures of you and me. And just like that, you make it all better again.
So when you have a day feeling grumpy, when you are snappy and struggle with all the emotions and the words all come out wrong, I try and remember this, and remind myself that if I struggle with this at 33, how can I assume a 7 year old knows how to handle it? So I will always be there to offer you a hug. To let you cry it out. I know talking out loud doesn’t come naturally for me. I find writing easier, Always have. You seem to be similar on that front, often not knowing how to express what it is that you feel. So I will always have a spare notebook (or 5!) available for you. And I know that this helps you too as you write down your thoughts, your dreams, your stories in so many notebooks. Same as I have always done since I was a child, and continue to do so now.
Your teacher recently told me you would make a great teacher when you grow up. But you already are my greatest teacher life has given me.
I am so proud of you, and I can’t wait to share more exciting adventures with you this year.
Joyeux Anniversaire Princesse, Je t’aime de tout mon Coeur,
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